update

Hi all, Thanks for all your comments on my last post, they were greatly appreciated, I went to a different GP who ordered bloods. turns out I'm anaemic a HB of 100 it needs to be 110 and above. previous level in early preg was 146, so that could be an easy fix for the hair loss, Thyroid function came back normal which is great. the only other one that has come back abnormal was cholesterol level which was 7, high i know but could be linked to the prednisone and progesterone and she suggests a re check after Cookie is born. and i can always endevour to reduce fats in my diet untill then. So it looks like i'm off to get iron tablets this arvo any suggestions on ones that won't make me insanly constipated.

Hair Loss During Pregnancy

Has anyone else experienced this? My hair has been falling out since about wk14, in clumps, i am cleaning out my hairbrush twice a week. I asked the midwife about it and she shrugged it off, it is a major cause of my anxiety at the moment. I thought hair was meant to grow thick and lush when you are pregnant and fall out after you had the baby, at least that is what it did with Munchkin. My GP is away for 2 weeks so i might have to see someone else. I just hope its not a symptom of something that might hurt cookie.

18weeks

I had my first midwife appointment today, and i am totally relieved to have gotten this far, they Found Cookie's heartbeat easily and then to reassure me found my abdominal pulse as well, Cookie is defiantly going strong, Because of my history my next visit is with the public obstetrician and then depending on that i either keep seeing the obstetrician or go back to the midwives. I am feeling less in limbo now it was a long wait from fert doc discharging me at 13 weeks till now being picked up by the hospital. I feel like i am being looked after properly again and that is a HUGE relief. only 2 weeks till my 20 week scan :)

funny ways to releive anxiety ( alternate title how to make Cookie kick)

I decided against renting a doppler to reasure myself cookie was ok. but i have found a few ways that always seem to produce a kick or wriggle when i am feeling anxious,
if sitting quietly for a while fails to produce a kick i try moving my tummy muscles in and out to gently shake Cookie awake, I often get a sharp kick from this method as if Cookie is saying "oi mum, what was that for I'm sleeping here."
If this doesn''t work a large glass of cold orange juice will often do the trick (as well as boosting vitC and folate levels)
Cookies favourite however is a row of white chocolate and a warm drink (caffene free). This is also my favourite and a frequent after dinner treat Cookie will normally kick for 30 minutes after this.
If i haven't felt Cookie for what I think is ages ( in reality probably not that long) I find a teaspoon of brown sugar, two if necessary will produce a few kicks in about 5 to 10 minutes.
Typing this it all sounds rather silly and i will probably end up with a child with a massive sweet tooth as a result,
but i haven't found anything as good for releiving pregnancy anxiety as feeling bub move.
What do or did you do to releive pregnancy anxiety and or make your baby move?

16 week US photos

 

Here are cookies 16 week ultrasound photos. See if you can guess pink or blue?

Cookie can Kick!

I have been feeling that butterfly in the stomach feeling for a couple of days. but last night while watching TV i felt a strong kick. it startled me so much i jumped and nearly fell off my chair. Cookie hasn't repeated the performance but sometimes i feel a soft little tap. It is lovely to feel this little one move, makes me sad at times that i didn't get to feel it with my angels.
I also find i feel rather anxious if i don't feel Cookie for about 4 hrs. I need for find a way to relax and not to worry unless i know i have something to worry about, but that is easier said than done sometimes.

16 week ultrasound 99% good!

Cookie is Good! Heart rate 135, measuring at between 16 and 16 1/2 weeks for the different measurements. and my cervix is still long. The one thing that is worrying me is that the placenta is low and posterior " not touching but very close" were the words of the sonographer, I have to see my GP on wed for the official ultrasound report.  Why don't i feel more relaxed about this pregnancy, I've just seen Cookies Heartbeat and watched little fingers and toes moving, So why aren't I excited. I'm definitely relieved, but not excited.

Feeling worried

Last night and today I feel worried for Cookie, and i have absolutely no reason to be worried, I have had no more bleeding, my belly looks as if I'm not going to be able to keep Cookie hidden for much longer and i am starting to get heartburn when i lie down at night. All of these things should be telling me Cookie is OK.  But I am so scared that on Monday i will be hearing the sonographer say the words that no pregnant woman ever wants to hear.  I try to tell myself that everything is fine. but part of me doesn't believe it. it feels like when you are trying to soften the blow of a bad thing for a child by telling them its all going to be OK when you know its not or might not be, and what you should be saying is you'll learn to live with it but some things are never OK. I wish i had a window into my belly and could watch Cookie growing in there.

random thought of the day

Hurry up and cook Cookie, Mummy wants COFFEE!!!!!

Feeling a ted Robbed

I was thinking about when i was pregnant with Munchkin or our first little angel Sparticus, and how different pregnancy felt compared to now. Pregnancy used to be filled with a fantastic amount of nervous excitement. and the fear and anxiety that has replaced it isn't nice, Miscarriage has robbed me of those feelings. they briefly flicker back after an ultrasound where all is well, but it only takes a couple of days for the fear and doubt to creep back in. I thought that after the 12 week scan i would be feeling better about this pregnancy. But the couple of scares i have had, have made it hard to relax and enjoy things. My next scan is the 7th of march at 16 weeks and it can't come soon enough.

Cookie is still going ok

I had a lot of pain last night so today i went to the ed for a scan ( i told them i had some spotting as well so they would do a scan) and they did a quick check of cookie he/she was wriggling and we could see the heartbeat. I am relieved i had been worrying that my belly wasn't big enough for 14 weeks. but Cookie is tucked in there.  The anxiety that goes with pregnancy after loss isn't pleasant and trying to get scans to reassure yourself is really hard i feel a bit bad for fibbing to the ed staff. But at least i know that Cookie is OK.

Way too cute!

Munchkin has just started drawing people. I love the big heads and tiny arms and legs coming from the head( she hasn't added the body yet). this morning i noticed she had added a scribble to just under the head thinking it could have been a beard i asked her what it was. he response was" A bottom mummy, everyones gots a bottom." I couldn't help myself but laugh. Two year olds can drive you mental, but they are very funny.

my dream

This is my dream ( i thought is was time i posted something positive) this picture is the christening cake that i have been wanting to make ( or attempt to make) for soooo long. its a Maisie Parrish design. I would just be putting in the little girl to represent Munchkin, and the baby for Cookie. The toys down the bottom will represent my angels. for my other cake decorating attempts/creations see here and here . Fingers crossed everyone that i get to make this cake for Cookie.

Anxiety

I thought getting to the nuchal scan was going to be the hard bit emotionally, I was wrong. i find the waiting now that the fert doc doesn't want to do scans and  my next U/S is the 19 week one really hard. They say that the pregnancy should be self sustaining now but I'm so scared. I don't want to tell anyone I'm pregnant in case Cookies heart has stopped and i don't know like with my previous miscarriages. I went to my GP and begged her for another scan she has booked one in for me for week 16 ( this feels like AGES away). How do people get through this waiting game. I was looking at the home Doppler's. but then i stumbled across 4 articles strongly advising against them as they can pick up placental blood flow even when the baby's heart has stopped. So i don't think i will be buying one. plus i don't know how good the cheap ones are when hospital grade ones cost over $600 and EBay sells them for $60. I also need to return to work soon but i really don't want to til after the next scan. I really want Cookie to be mine.

Cookie is OK !!!

I spent most of yesterday at the hospital waiting to get a scan. I originally went to a different GP who had a fetal heart Doppler only for her not to be able to find the heartbeat. so she sent me to the early pregnancy clinic at the hospital. The midwife there found the heartbeat with a Doppler but they wanted me to stay for a scan to see if they could find where the blood is comming from. Which they didn't.  But because it took so long i had to miss my appointment with the Counsellor and can't get in to see her till next week now. But at least Cookie is OK.

Bleeding

I have more bleeding again today. This is doing my head in I had the Nuchal yesterday and Cookie was fine so why do I Have bleeding Today. I don't know what to do and paying for all these ultrasounds at $170 a go is sending me broke. I am meant to be seeing my counsellor at 11 and it took me ages to get the appointment. so i really don't want to sit in emergency for the next 4 hrs. I am waiting on a medical centre to get back to me on whether they have a doppler and can check Cookies heart rate.

Cookie's Nuchal

Cookie is still going well heart rate 167. no photo yet i have to collect the official result in a couple of days. Do I dare allow myself to breathe now?

Today

Today i have the Nuchal scan I can't believe its today and I'm so close to the end of the first trimester. I am still a bit scared that today will deliver bad news, but hopefully not. I can't wait till i can feel cookie move.
Mum is on the mend she is out of the neuro ICU and on a ward now with any luck she will be home in a week or two. thank you to all for you prayers.

Cookie!

cookie is good, they have no idea where the blood is comming from. doc is taking me off clexane and starting me on baby aspirin as clexane can start bleeds but aspirin acts on platlets and is less likely to start a bleed while still providing anti coagulation.

What a week

OK this post is probably going to end up all over the place. my mum had an accident this week and is in neuro ICU with a bleed in her brain. she is awake and hopefully it wont continue to bleed. so we did  a drive to go See her when we got there i was busting to pee  only to discover than when i did i was bleeding. so now we are back home and i have a scan at 1020.  none of the family knows about cookie so i think they are a bit perplexed i used munchkin and feeding the cat as an excuse to come home. So prayers for my mum please and prayers for cookie.