Aunt Flo arrived yesterday. punctual as ever. I am a little disapointed. But i am proud that i resisted the urge to pee on a stick early as seeing 2 lines and then having AF visit would be just as devastating as loosing my angels. At least its only 14 days till we get another shot at it. To all my followers thanks for your wonderfull support on this journey. you definatly help me get through a bad day.

2 week wait

I think i have convinced myself i have pregnancy symptoms. My nose is stuffy ( more due to my cold than my hormones) I think my areola are darker ( but mabey not) and i'm mildly neauseus. ( i think its all in my head though).
Aunt flo is due on sunday. and to make this a little more fun i have a game for us to play... Can everyone please toss a coin for me. Heads she arrives on Sunday and Tales she goes on a 9 month holiday. I'm going first..... Bugger Heads. what did you get? we will decide based on percentage if we get more tales than heads she goes on a holiday.
Thanks for playing.

Bad dreams

I've been having nightmares since my second miscarriage. and i really wish they would go away.
In one of these dreams i hurt myself. i don't understand why i keep having this dream as when i'm awake i don't want to do this. I always wake up before the end of the dream so i don't know how it ends. In one dream i'm pretty sure i would die. but as i wake up i'm not sure.
I really hate these dreams they wake me at night and make me feel really tired. I want to start functioning normally again. my whole focus of just getting through the day isn't working. the light at the end of the tunnell isn't bright enough to motivate me at the moment.  There has to be a way to make this rain cloud over my head go away. I want to see the sun and enjoy its warmth.

2 week wait

My doc thinks i've ovulated, So I guess the 2 week wait is here. All this sex by the book isn't the most fun way to make a baby. How do you girls on a long TTC journey keep the momentum up. this is My first cycle with a fert doc overseeing things. it isn't fun at all.

I'm really missing my Angels lots today.
and i'm praying for the energy to continue this journey.

one of those days

Today is one of those days. A good friend of mine from playgroup has just had her 2nd baby. I am really jelous and feeling a bit down. I really want to be happy for her though. She struggled with infertility for 7 years before her first daughter was born and she was lucky enough to fall naturally with this little bub just born. So i really want to share her joy but i just can't.
and to top it off the bills from this miscarriage management/ fertility doc are starting to roll in. I think i need to do some more shifts at work.