Due date and nothing happening

OK, so today is "The Day" but nothing is happening yet. I went in for a check yesterday as anxiety got the better of me (my hands and feet went all puffy and i wanted to make sure everything was OK). Everything is great and i got to listen to Cookies heartbeat for 20 mins solid.
 It turns out Cookie is Posterior and this is probably preventing her from engaging properly and labour starting.  Does anyone have suggestions for how to turn a posterior baby ( without me standing on my head) Hopefully she turns soon and labour can start naturally.

Knitting for Cookie

this is Cookie's coming home outfit, knitted by me. just don't look too close at the embroidery, I had never attempted to embroider before, but i am happy with the result. I knitted a simpler one for Munchkin when i was pregnant with her. Its a 0000 pattern I like having one tiny outfit to remind me of just how small they once were.

37 weeks

Its 37 weeks and i really want Cookie in my arms and pink and healthy. My belly is causing me trouble sleeping ( along with my bladder). and my pelvis is sore. I would really like Cookie to make her appearance in the next 2 weeks. Munchkin was 2 weeks late ( 3weeks from my dates)  and those weeks after the due date were some of the longest and most uncomfortable weeks I have experienced.
does anyone have any ways to safely give Cookie the Hurry up message? One thing i do need to do is take a photo of my belly I have some video of cookie moving inside my belly but no photos.

a little muddled

Sorry for the lack of meaningful posts lately, my head is all muddled up. Last Thursday marked one year since we found out our little jellybean was an angel. and some days I'd still give anything to be able to turn back the clock and have my angels with me. Which makes me feel terrible cause i do really love and want Cookie. Pregnancy after loss is such a different experience to what pregnancy should be. The baby car seats are still in the Garage. i don't want them in the cars until Cookie is safely here. Everything is washed but Cookies room still looks like the guest room and not a nursery. and the excited " my baby will be here soon" feeling that i had with munchkin is simply not there. I am really worried about something going wrong during the birth. which i know isn't good for natural labour as stress hormones can stop things progressing smoothly, a mum needs to feel safe and supported for a smooth labour.  All I feel is stress and worry. I just want Cookie safely in my arms pink and healthy, so maybe then i can relax.

34 week scan

Scan went well. Cookie is head down and it looks like the Placenta is out of the way. I see the obstetrician next wed for the final green light but it looks good :)

still here

Hi just a quick post to let you know that Cookie and I are still here. I have a scan tomorrow to check that Cookie has turned and that my placenta has stretched far enough away to allow a natural delivery fingers crossed everyone.

untilted

I am now 30 weeks, and I am so grateful; to have made it this far. I hope the next 10 weeks are smooth sailing. My last midwife visit was good I passed the glucose test so no diabetes and my blood pressure is good. the only slightly negative thing is that Cookie hasn't turned yet. I know there is still time I just wonder whether the low placenta is preventing Cookie from turning. I have a scan at 34 weeks to check the placental position  to see if i can deliver naturally. so i haven't been standing on my head yet as there is probably not too much point trying to turn the baby before i am told that i can deliver naturally. I really don't want a C section though. so lots of prayers that the placenta has stretched out of the way and that Cookie is head down at the 34 week scan.

Tomorrow is 2 years since i lost our first angel, Sparticus and was plunged into a world of recurrent pregnancy loss. I truly hope that I am now leaving that dark place but i still get very anxious about anything going wrong from here in. I really hope that my arms are filled in august with the sleepy weight of a healthy newborn.  Some days i still find it hard to believe that Cookie is healthy and wriggling in my belly.

antenatal appointments and anxiety

My antenatal appointments are going well, my blood pressure is good, my belly is growing but the thing that makes me dread them is that whenever the midwife tries to find Cookie's heartbeat with the doppler, all she or I can hear is static. after about 2 minutes my anxiety skyrockets. I normally have to endure this anxiety for another five minutes before they go and get the tiny ultrasound machine to check the heartbeat that way. its a low quality U/S machine and doesn't tell us any more info than seeing cookie wriggle and seeing the heartbeat. The midwife last time said that it could be my moisturizing cream (i only use a basic sorbelene cream) that is making the static. but this doesn't make sense as i used a moisturizing creme when pregnant with munchkin and never had this problem. Has anyone else heard of this? I am starting to worry that cookie has something wrong with her heart and that is why they can never find it on the doppler. I have a level 2 ultrasound at 34 weeks to see if my placenta has stretched away from my cervix. i will definatly be asking them to check cookies heart.

recurrent pregnancy loss / recurrent miscarriage

I have been delaying this post for some time mainly because i don't know how to start it. And because i was worried that by sharing this i would be jinxing Cookie. But i want to share what has enabled this pregnancy after enduring three successive losses. So here is a treatment summary of this pregnancy.
step one : a course of Doxycycline ( antibiotic)
Step two: Prednisone 5mg (immunosuppressive steroid) from day 1 of cycle
step three: Clexane (lovonox) injections from ovulation + 1
step four: Pregnyl (beta HCG) injections on ovulation+4 and ovulation+7 for a luteal phase deficit.
step 5 : Progesterone pessaries 200mg morning and night from ovulation plus 7 through to 14 weeks pregnancy.
It goes without saying that i was taking a pregnancy multivitamin and on the advice of a gynae registrar i added High dose folic acid 5mg tablets. as he said a woman with my history should be taking it as a precaution and it won't do any harm. It was on Cycle #2 of this regime that we got Cookie.
the fert doc swapped the Clexane to baby aspirin at 10 weeks pregnant due to me bleeding.
Everything here is empiric treatment with the exception of the Pregnyl for the LPD. as i didn't test positive to an immune disorder or a clotting disorder. but she decided to treat me as if i did test positive to both and for some reason it has worked.
It is my hope that anyone who stumbles across this post after recurrent pregnancy loss may find an unexplored option.

20 week scan :)

Here is cookies photo from the 20 week scan. everything looked really good, with one exception my placenta is still really low so they may scan again at 30 weeks to see if i can deliver naturally or if Cookie will have to come out the sun roof.  I really don't want a C section but if it end up being the safest way then i guess I'll just have to do it.

Cookie is having a nice big yawn in the photo too cute :)
And for those who are wondering it looks as though cookie is a pinkie :)
Take care

funny ways to releive anxiety ( alternate title how to make Cookie kick)

I decided against renting a doppler to reasure myself cookie was ok. but i have found a few ways that always seem to produce a kick or wriggle when i am feeling anxious,
if sitting quietly for a while fails to produce a kick i try moving my tummy muscles in and out to gently shake Cookie awake, I often get a sharp kick from this method as if Cookie is saying "oi mum, what was that for I'm sleeping here."
If this doesn''t work a large glass of cold orange juice will often do the trick (as well as boosting vitC and folate levels)
Cookies favourite however is a row of white chocolate and a warm drink (caffene free). This is also my favourite and a frequent after dinner treat Cookie will normally kick for 30 minutes after this.
If i haven't felt Cookie for what I think is ages ( in reality probably not that long) I find a teaspoon of brown sugar, two if necessary will produce a few kicks in about 5 to 10 minutes.
Typing this it all sounds rather silly and i will probably end up with a child with a massive sweet tooth as a result,
but i haven't found anything as good for releiving pregnancy anxiety as feeling bub move.
What do or did you do to releive pregnancy anxiety and or make your baby move?

16 week US photos

 

Here are cookies 16 week ultrasound photos. See if you can guess pink or blue?

Cookie can Kick!

I have been feeling that butterfly in the stomach feeling for a couple of days. but last night while watching TV i felt a strong kick. it startled me so much i jumped and nearly fell off my chair. Cookie hasn't repeated the performance but sometimes i feel a soft little tap. It is lovely to feel this little one move, makes me sad at times that i didn't get to feel it with my angels.
I also find i feel rather anxious if i don't feel Cookie for about 4 hrs. I need for find a way to relax and not to worry unless i know i have something to worry about, but that is easier said than done sometimes.

16 week ultrasound 99% good!

Cookie is Good! Heart rate 135, measuring at between 16 and 16 1/2 weeks for the different measurements. and my cervix is still long. The one thing that is worrying me is that the placenta is low and posterior " not touching but very close" were the words of the sonographer, I have to see my GP on wed for the official ultrasound report.  Why don't i feel more relaxed about this pregnancy, I've just seen Cookies Heartbeat and watched little fingers and toes moving, So why aren't I excited. I'm definitely relieved, but not excited.

Feeling worried

Last night and today I feel worried for Cookie, and i have absolutely no reason to be worried, I have had no more bleeding, my belly looks as if I'm not going to be able to keep Cookie hidden for much longer and i am starting to get heartburn when i lie down at night. All of these things should be telling me Cookie is OK.  But I am so scared that on Monday i will be hearing the sonographer say the words that no pregnant woman ever wants to hear.  I try to tell myself that everything is fine. but part of me doesn't believe it. it feels like when you are trying to soften the blow of a bad thing for a child by telling them its all going to be OK when you know its not or might not be, and what you should be saying is you'll learn to live with it but some things are never OK. I wish i had a window into my belly and could watch Cookie growing in there.

Feeling a ted Robbed

I was thinking about when i was pregnant with Munchkin or our first little angel Sparticus, and how different pregnancy felt compared to now. Pregnancy used to be filled with a fantastic amount of nervous excitement. and the fear and anxiety that has replaced it isn't nice, Miscarriage has robbed me of those feelings. they briefly flicker back after an ultrasound where all is well, but it only takes a couple of days for the fear and doubt to creep back in. I thought that after the 12 week scan i would be feeling better about this pregnancy. But the couple of scares i have had, have made it hard to relax and enjoy things. My next scan is the 7th of march at 16 weeks and it can't come soon enough.

Anxiety

I thought getting to the nuchal scan was going to be the hard bit emotionally, I was wrong. i find the waiting now that the fert doc doesn't want to do scans and  my next U/S is the 19 week one really hard. They say that the pregnancy should be self sustaining now but I'm so scared. I don't want to tell anyone I'm pregnant in case Cookies heart has stopped and i don't know like with my previous miscarriages. I went to my GP and begged her for another scan she has booked one in for me for week 16 ( this feels like AGES away). How do people get through this waiting game. I was looking at the home Doppler's. but then i stumbled across 4 articles strongly advising against them as they can pick up placental blood flow even when the baby's heart has stopped. So i don't think i will be buying one. plus i don't know how good the cheap ones are when hospital grade ones cost over $600 and EBay sells them for $60. I also need to return to work soon but i really don't want to til after the next scan. I really want Cookie to be mine.

Today

Today i have the Nuchal scan I can't believe its today and I'm so close to the end of the first trimester. I am still a bit scared that today will deliver bad news, but hopefully not. I can't wait till i can feel cookie move.
Mum is on the mend she is out of the neuro ICU and on a ward now with any luck she will be home in a week or two. thank you to all for you prayers.

Cookie!

cookie is good, they have no idea where the blood is comming from. doc is taking me off clexane and starting me on baby aspirin as clexane can start bleeds but aspirin acts on platlets and is less likely to start a bleed while still providing anti coagulation.

Cookie!!!

Cookie is good. heart rate 160. and growing ok i'm just worried about my BhCG's as they are down to 88000 now from 146000 a couple of weeks ago the doc says this can happen and isn't worried I'm just worried as i didn't think they plateaued till after 12 weeks not 9 weeks. but so long as Cookie is good i guess it doesn't matter.