3 years ago today

 Three years ago today i heard the words for the first time that no pregnant woman wants to hear " I'm sorry, your baby doesn't have a heartbeat"  Three years ago i said goodbye to Sparticus, my first little angel before i got the chance to say hello.
and today its only I that remembers. Hubby doesn't remember. It seems only a mothers heart remembers these things.
And while i wouldn't trade cookie for the world i still wonder what if . What would life be like if I hadn't had my miscarriages? Different i know,  but better, worse, more fulfilling or less? would i have 3 by now planning number 4 instead of number 3. If i hadn't lost my babies would i still consider pregnancy and life the miracle that it is? or would my eye be blind? and would i think that baby making is something everyone can do with ease.
Even comming out the other side of RPL it still messes with my head.

Visited again :)

Yesterday i was feeling the need for some retail therapy. so i went shopping but on our current budget excessive spending is defiantly off the cards so I decided to update  my underwear. Some seems on my oh so comfy old ones were starting to fray.
It seems to tempt aunt Flo to come for  a visit all one needs to do is buy new underwear, especially white ones.
So now that AF is back and we are visiting the fertility specialist at the end of July i guess its time to start tracking my cycles again.
I am actually a tad apprehensive about starting this story all over again. I just hope we only get happy endings from here in.