update

We had ther fertility appointment on monday and i am relieved to say  she has presccribed a repeat course of Cookies pregnancy. so folks we start this roller coaster again next cycle. fingers crossed everyone.

A why me? pity party

 Today, a good friend announces she is pregnant with twins. she already has 2 children.
all of her pregnancies are first month of trying.
and while i am thrilled that the babies are healthy and so is she. I must admit i came home from morning tea at her house and had 20 mins of why me tears?
why am i the less than 1% of women that will have 3 or more miscarriages in a row? I know these statistical bullets have to hit someone, but still why me?
Why is it that the feeling of infertility/sub fertility doesn't go away?
Why is it that just thinking about the appointment with the fert doc next Monday has the power to make me feel anxious.
Why even with Cookie here and healthy can't i think of myself as a survivor and not an infertility sufferer.

...I feel better already... everyone needs a pity party occasionally. thanks for comming. sorry i don't have party hats and whistles for everyone. :)