Written just for David

Dear David,

Although I loved you dearly,
I couldn't make you stay.
A tiny heart stopped beating,
little hands at rest, not play.
God broke my heart to prove to me,
he only takes the best.
My little son, an Angel one.
My heart is breaking, yet i am blessed.

I will see and hold you one day my Angel
Mummy xxoo

yet another update

Ok so bloods today showed i haven't ovulated but my oestrogen is at least rising so MAYBE it'll happen on Sunday so my fert doc thinks. that is like day 22 of my cycle. which is nuts i usually ovulate on day 17. I'm a tad paranoid it'll just happen and there won't be any sperm there to meet it. but Hubby is getting tired and so am i. When i learnt about reproductive health at Uni ( nursing degree) i was taught that every 4 to 5 days is good for baby making to make sure the sperm have proper tails. but my fert doc says every 2 to 3 days increases sperm quality, it is a tad confusing.

update

hey all,
         last lot of bloods on Monday showed i haven't ovulated yet, so next lot is tomorrow to decide if i will ovulate this month or if its a fizzer. this is so annoying as one of the meds i am on to try and make a sticky bean i can only take for 4 months or it puts my future heath in strife. and Hubby is away for 2 weeks in November i don't know if it will be when i ovulate as this cycle is all scrambled. but I'm defiantly feeling like time isn't on my hands at the moment.
hope everyone is well
take care

Hi all,
        Hubby and i are back on the TTC merry go round.  my blood levels this month are all really low and it looks like i might not ovulate. This has never happened before. I really don't want a 'making' as well as a 'baking' problem. next lot of bloods are on Monday fingers crossed I've some how ovulated over the weekend.
I've used up my free access program visits to my counsellor. I can get another 6 weeks if needed. but my counsellor and i are going to try and save these for when I'm pregnant again. you can have 12 weeks in a calendar year bulked billed with a referral from your GP. it has saved me a packet of money. not to mention my mental sanity.
I have been working on my little memory garden for my angels. I was going to use their birth flowers. however I'm not that talented a Gardner so I'm using hardy flowering plants instead. I want somewhere nice to look that is full of colour when i think of my angels.  Today i planted some miniature yellow daisies. Daisies have always been one of my favourite flowers. You can't not feel happy when holding a bunch of daisies. I used to spend hours making super long daisy chains and necklaces when i was little.
I don't have much more to say but I'm a tad bored tonight Hubby is away with work ( will be home tomorrow) some days i wish he wasn't in the Air Force. but he loves it so much. and he is away for 2 weeks next month. with basic training and leadership training now that he is an officer. with me nursing and Hubby in the armed forces we both have stressful careers. i really wish this infertility journey can end soon so that our home can return to a state of tranquility.
Hope everyone is well
prayers to all
take care

Holiday post



Munchkin and I on the beach

 Hi all, sorry this post has taken so long. I've had family visit and haven't had a moment to myself till. now.
We had such a lovely Holiday in North Queensland it was lovely to escape the Cold of inland Oz.
Munchkin was a bit scared by the waves on the beach so we did lots of swimming in lagoons and rivers.  We introduced Munchkin to the Delights of a proper ice cream in a cone. which melted all over her and made her very sticky. We saw lots of crocodiles ( munchkin pronounces it "Cuddledile" way too cute).  and went to lots of markets.  It was so great to spend some quality family time together without the stress of TTC.

back home

Hi all I'm back from lovely tropical Queensland. and before i do a holiday blog post i wanted to share with you, that on my return home i found my little angel tree in full bloom. isn't it pretty.
its a cercis chinesis tree that i planted after i lost peanut. and while i wish i could plant one tree for each of my  angels I only have a courtyard size backyard. so its one tree for all my little angels.
I was a tad worried that the winter had killed it so Iwas so pleased to see it in full bloom on our return.