3 years ago today

 Three years ago today i heard the words for the first time that no pregnant woman wants to hear " I'm sorry, your baby doesn't have a heartbeat"  Three years ago i said goodbye to Sparticus, my first little angel before i got the chance to say hello.
and today its only I that remembers. Hubby doesn't remember. It seems only a mothers heart remembers these things.
And while i wouldn't trade cookie for the world i still wonder what if . What would life be like if I hadn't had my miscarriages? Different i know,  but better, worse, more fulfilling or less? would i have 3 by now planning number 4 instead of number 3. If i hadn't lost my babies would i still consider pregnancy and life the miracle that it is? or would my eye be blind? and would i think that baby making is something everyone can do with ease.
Even comming out the other side of RPL it still messes with my head.

David's Birthday

Today is the Day that my bubba boy should have been entering the world. Cookie should still be a distant dream. Today i should be counting tiny fingers and toes. and enjoying the smell of a freshly bathed newborn baby. but once again today my arms are empty. Instead of dressing my little boy in the colour of the heavens he is there already. I miss you, David and love you more than you will ever know.  xxoo

A proud Mummy Moment

I don't normally post photos but we got these back today and i was having a proud mummy moment Munchkin is growing so fast. her last professional photos were taken at 6 weeks. She has come a long way and i'm very proud of her.

a lullaby for my angels

Every night ,since Munchkin was born i have sung her the same 2 lullaby's. But last night i sung them just for my angels (especially Peanut). here are the lyrics.

Brahm's Lullaby

lullaby and goodnight
may sleep softly surround you
while your dreams, fill your eyes
with the melody of love
may the moonlight embrace you
the starlight caress you
may the sunlight still sing you
this lullaby of love.

Baby Mine

baby mine, don't you cry
baby mine, dry your eyes
rest your head close to my heart
never to part, baby of mine

little one when you play
don't you mind what they say
let those eyes sparkle and shine
never a tear, baby of mine

From your head to your toes
your so sweet, goodness knows
you are so precious to me
 cute as can be, baby of mine

A Little History

Hi to all who are reading this,

I thought I'd start with a little history.

I met my Husband at a pub whilst out celebrating my Cousin's birthday. we were having dinner, when a group of RAFFies sat at the other end of the table. I had noticed him watching me. He finally managed to get drunk enough to ask me for a dance. We danced and kissed a bit and then exchanged phone numbers at the end of the night. as going home with a guy is not my thing.

We dated for ages He is very romantic. we had dinner on harbour cruises and picnic lunches in the mountains. The first test of our relationship was when he spent 5 months in the middle east. it was hard I couldn't watch the news because i worried too much that something might happen to him. which is when i realised that i had fallen truly in love not just infatuation and lust. We survrived the test, and it wasn't long after he returned that we moved in together.

It was my birthday and he said "be ready for lunch at 11". I was excited, I love surprises. 11 O'clock came and a Limousine pulled up out front. "where are we going?" i said even more excited. "You'll see " was the reply. we started to head for the city. This is fantastic i thought I'm being taken to lunch in a Limo, this is a great. I was still madly excited. We went over the Bridge and then headed away from the city. now i was confused " Where are we going?" I asked again once again "you'll see" was my reply. The suspense was killing me.

We turned into the Airport, I could barley contain myself. we were taken to a Helicopter. Fantastic!!! A Helicopter ride for my Birthday!!!! I gave him a big Kiss. we flew up and along the beaches, it was spectacular! a warm December day with crystal waters and white foam from the waves on the sand. We landed in Terrigal and had a lovely lunch overlooking the beach. I first knew something was up when he moved the Ice bucket for the wine during desert. He got down on bended knee and proposed. He had even written me a poem. Of course I said YES.
What a perfect Birthday.