Visited again :)

Yesterday i was feeling the need for some retail therapy. so i went shopping but on our current budget excessive spending is defiantly off the cards so I decided to update  my underwear. Some seems on my oh so comfy old ones were starting to fray.
It seems to tempt aunt Flo to come for  a visit all one needs to do is buy new underwear, especially white ones.
So now that AF is back and we are visiting the fertility specialist at the end of July i guess its time to start tracking my cycles again.
I am actually a tad apprehensive about starting this story all over again. I just hope we only get happy endings from here in.

Dear Aunt flo

Dear Aunt Flo,
                      I am ready to be friends with you again now  and invite you to visit once a month as you used to. I hope you had a nice time away. We have had a nice time here and the house is a little more crowded now.
I know you don't approve of breastfeeding, but i am only breastfeeding once a day now and I'm hoping to continue this while you visit. If you can't handle this can you let me know as i want to visit the fertility specialist in July to plan you next lot of long service leave and overseas holiday.

Thanks me

Am I flipping mental?

last night over a few too many glasses of wine I summed up the courage to ask hubby what he thought of another addition to our family. He was hesitant, and pointed out there could be "more fails" along the way. and i pointed out that i would really like one more shot at having a little boy. and that i would probably regret it if we didn't, and that at 30 my fertility is about to start a rapid downward decent.
 At the end of the conversation with a limit imposed by hubby (if after 3 more pregnancies we don't have another baby that's it). to which i think that is fair enough.

So this morning I rang the fertility clinic and booked an appointment for late July.. Am i mad? getting Cookie here nearly cost me my mental sanity.  And yet here i am willing to go though it again.
I do have one big hurdle to get over first i still don't have my period back yet. I am starting to wean her. she only gets breastfed twice a day now 10pm and 6am. so hopefully it will return soon. does anyone know any other remedies/ old wives tales to get you period back after having a baby?
So i guess its time to give up my beloved caffeine again and start exercising.

recurrent pregnancy loss / recurrent miscarriage

I have been delaying this post for some time mainly because i don't know how to start it. And because i was worried that by sharing this i would be jinxing Cookie. But i want to share what has enabled this pregnancy after enduring three successive losses. So here is a treatment summary of this pregnancy.
step one : a course of Doxycycline ( antibiotic)
Step two: Prednisone 5mg (immunosuppressive steroid) from day 1 of cycle
step three: Clexane (lovonox) injections from ovulation + 1
step four: Pregnyl (beta HCG) injections on ovulation+4 and ovulation+7 for a luteal phase deficit.
step 5 : Progesterone pessaries 200mg morning and night from ovulation plus 7 through to 14 weeks pregnancy.
It goes without saying that i was taking a pregnancy multivitamin and on the advice of a gynae registrar i added High dose folic acid 5mg tablets. as he said a woman with my history should be taking it as a precaution and it won't do any harm. It was on Cycle #2 of this regime that we got Cookie.
the fert doc swapped the Clexane to baby aspirin at 10 weeks pregnant due to me bleeding.
Everything here is empiric treatment with the exception of the Pregnyl for the LPD. as i didn't test positive to an immune disorder or a clotting disorder. but she decided to treat me as if i did test positive to both and for some reason it has worked.
It is my hope that anyone who stumbles across this post after recurrent pregnancy loss may find an unexplored option.

BFP!!!!

This is officially pregnancy number 5 fingers and toes crossed everyone and lots of prayers please. i am scarred out of my wits.

another year older

Friday was my birthday I am half way to 58. ( my mum has always doubled my age and said your half  way to -- ) it sounds great when you are ten and your mum tells you your half way to 20 but when your twenty it does make you feel a tad old. its been a running family joke for as long as i can remember. my standard response is " yes but that's a whole lifespan away" the day was nice and munchkin made me a card. Hubby and i went to see 'Jersey Boys' in the city which i really enjoyed.  I just can't help but reflect on how i should be trying for # 3 now instead of still trying for #2.

defence life

I am so hanging out for Hubby to come home tomorrow it has been a long week and a half with him away. And munchkins behaviour with her Daddy away has been less than desirable. She was refusing to eat dinner again last night until daddy rang and she could talk to him on speaker whilst eating her dinner. and she has had so many tantrums this week. And I'm also getting nervous about this cycle i hope we can do enough before ovulation to have a god shot at this one. my fingers and toes are crossed that the acupuncture helps as the steroids make me feel awful. and the sooner I'm pregnant the sooner i can stop taking them.

yet another update

Ok so bloods today showed i haven't ovulated but my oestrogen is at least rising so MAYBE it'll happen on Sunday so my fert doc thinks. that is like day 22 of my cycle. which is nuts i usually ovulate on day 17. I'm a tad paranoid it'll just happen and there won't be any sperm there to meet it. but Hubby is getting tired and so am i. When i learnt about reproductive health at Uni ( nursing degree) i was taught that every 4 to 5 days is good for baby making to make sure the sperm have proper tails. but my fert doc says every 2 to 3 days increases sperm quality, it is a tad confusing.

update

hey all,
         last lot of bloods on Monday showed i haven't ovulated yet, so next lot is tomorrow to decide if i will ovulate this month or if its a fizzer. this is so annoying as one of the meds i am on to try and make a sticky bean i can only take for 4 months or it puts my future heath in strife. and Hubby is away for 2 weeks in November i don't know if it will be when i ovulate as this cycle is all scrambled. but I'm defiantly feeling like time isn't on my hands at the moment.
hope everyone is well
take care

Hi all,
        Hubby and i are back on the TTC merry go round.  my blood levels this month are all really low and it looks like i might not ovulate. This has never happened before. I really don't want a 'making' as well as a 'baking' problem. next lot of bloods are on Monday fingers crossed I've some how ovulated over the weekend.
I've used up my free access program visits to my counsellor. I can get another 6 weeks if needed. but my counsellor and i are going to try and save these for when I'm pregnant again. you can have 12 weeks in a calendar year bulked billed with a referral from your GP. it has saved me a packet of money. not to mention my mental sanity.
I have been working on my little memory garden for my angels. I was going to use their birth flowers. however I'm not that talented a Gardner so I'm using hardy flowering plants instead. I want somewhere nice to look that is full of colour when i think of my angels.  Today i planted some miniature yellow daisies. Daisies have always been one of my favourite flowers. You can't not feel happy when holding a bunch of daisies. I used to spend hours making super long daisy chains and necklaces when i was little.
I don't have much more to say but I'm a tad bored tonight Hubby is away with work ( will be home tomorrow) some days i wish he wasn't in the Air Force. but he loves it so much. and he is away for 2 weeks next month. with basic training and leadership training now that he is an officer. with me nursing and Hubby in the armed forces we both have stressful careers. i really wish this infertility journey can end soon so that our home can return to a state of tranquility.
Hope everyone is well
prayers to all
take care

Where to form here?

I thought a post was in order on whats going on now.
I saw my Fertility doc again last wed. at first i thought she didn't want to do any further testing. but I've talked her into doing genetic karyotyping on hubby and i as well as what was sent off from bub. she has given me a referral for a hysterscoppy and uterine natural killer cell test. which will have to wait till about 6 weeks after my D&C to do to let everything settle down. When we are ready ti start TTC we have more progesterone treatment they are putting me on a low dose steroid. and when i fall pregnant again I have to take anti clotting needles. Hubby and i aren't trying again until we have the results from the testing. even though i know that your fertility increases that first cycle after a miscarriage. and my fertility doc says there is no reason to wait if you don't want to.  OK so that's the game plan.
Here is what i didn't like from our meeting. My fertility doc has openly said that the treatment for recurrent miscarriage is "all voodoo" and yes she used those words. it only works on a very small percentage of people undergoing treatment. and for the rest it does nothing. And on those that it does work on they don't know why. Why miscarriages and recurrent miscarriages occur is a hugely under researched area. the other thing i didn't like about our meeting is that i think she has put me in the too hard basket. when she came out to call in another pt. she picked up a file looked at it and said to the girl at the desk " this one is too hard I'll see this one first" and put the file down picked up another one and called a couple into her office. when this couple came out she picked up that original file and called my husband and i into the office. I don't want to be in the "Too hard" basket. i want to know why my Angels died and i want more Children. I used to feel a glimmer of hope and my Fertility Docs office. When i walked in on Wednesday the air felt heavy and all i could feel was death.