Anxiety

I thought getting to the nuchal scan was going to be the hard bit emotionally, I was wrong. i find the waiting now that the fert doc doesn't want to do scans and  my next U/S is the 19 week one really hard. They say that the pregnancy should be self sustaining now but I'm so scared. I don't want to tell anyone I'm pregnant in case Cookies heart has stopped and i don't know like with my previous miscarriages. I went to my GP and begged her for another scan she has booked one in for me for week 16 ( this feels like AGES away). How do people get through this waiting game. I was looking at the home Doppler's. but then i stumbled across 4 articles strongly advising against them as they can pick up placental blood flow even when the baby's heart has stopped. So i don't think i will be buying one. plus i don't know how good the cheap ones are when hospital grade ones cost over $600 and EBay sells them for $60. I also need to return to work soon but i really don't want to til after the next scan. I really want Cookie to be mine.