Progesterone today 74 YAY!!! its going up again. i am very relieved. cant wait to see bub again on monday my fingers and toes are crossed that it still has a heartbeat. I looked up foods that are high in progesterone and eggs and tumuric have a bit. so i have been eating curried egg for lunch all week. I'll turn in to a curried egg before too long.

The ultrasound went well. bub has a heartbeat of 120bpm. it is measuring 4 days behind dates which is concerning me a little.  Betas today were greater than 225,000 and progesterone was 66. the progesterone has me worried as on last tues it was 75. i have more bloods on thurs. if it drops below 60 i start the progesterone pessaries. and my doc tells me the danger zone is below 30. I have another scan on monday and i'm counting the seconds. both my angels hit trouble in week 8 and i am scared stiff this week.

Beta's today were 124,000 and progesterone is 75 it is finally starting to go up instead of down yay! I have my first ultrasound tomorrow. Tomorrow is also the one year mark since my first miscarriage. so i have lots of mixed emotions about tomorrow. My doc is also cranky that i haven't booked in to the hospital to have the baby. It sounds silly but i'm scared i'll jinx it. and cancelling the appointments with the midwives after my miscarriages was one of the hardest things i had to do.So i have been putting it off. I really hpoe i get to see a good heartbeat tomorrow.
        On other things this week has been a rather sad one A good friend of ours lost their battle with cancer this week. So we are taking a 5 hour trip tomorrow to attend the funeral on thurs. Young people's funerals are always so Sad. I will be glad to see some of our old friends, but i would far rather be meeting them on happeir circumstances.

Beta's today are 34454 and progesterone is 72 which has got me a little freaked as it is still going down. my doc is happy with anything above 40. but all i can see is the numbers going down first it was 91,89,83and now 72. i really don't want this trend to continue. I am due another set of bloods on next tues and then a scan on wed. and i see my doc on wed too. i really want to keep this baby.  Prayers please everyone.

Beta's this morning were 8000 and progesterone was 83 which my doctor says is good. but i am worried that it is lower than the 89 of last week. being pregnant afer miscarriages is such a worrying experience. all the excited expectation is gone and if i dare to daydream of what could be in 9 months time. i scold myself with things like "don't think that yet it could all come crashing down". I really hope i get to hear this baby cry.

the real deal???????

my betas were 518 yesterday which in in range for 4-5 weeks (4wks 2 days) and my progesterone was 89 which is good. So i guess this could be the real deal. next betas/progesterone are on monday. I am really hoping that we can cellar the bottle of Green ginger wine for 8 months.
I am so happy to have another shot at another baby, I am so terrified of what i now have to loose and whether i can cope with another miscarriage. and being pregnant again makes me miss my angels like mad. My second angel should not have been and this pregnancy shouldn't be either because i should have a 4 month old. but reality sucks sometimes, and unfortunatly we have no choice but to live with reality.
Prayers please everyone.

Progress update

It seems Mr Murphy has been a little tempted Aunt Flo is a day late. I peed on a stick this am and it was positive. So now i'm off to get bloods done to see if its a chemical pregnancy or the real deal.
For those of you that read my blog that are also my friends in the real world. please keep this a secret. if it is the real deal i'm not announcing it to the general public till after the 12 week scan.
Fingers crossed everyone.

Today i'm half way through the dreaded 2ww. Hubby and i have convinced ourselves it won't work he has even gone and bought a bottle of green ginger wine ( we haven't had it before and thought it sounded interesting) to share with AF when she arrives. i'm secrety hoping it will tempt murphy's law enough to keep her away.

Progress Update

Sorry for the delay in this post i haven't had a spare moment to update untill now.
Aunt flow paid a belated visit. she took a detour it turns out i had a chemical pregnancy. I'm unsure as to whether it was caused by the Pregnyl injections or not. i had positive betas but they only got to 30 instead of 200 and then started to go down. I had to take progesterone pessaries just in case it was the real deal but AF arrived anyway. So i'm feeling pretty diaspointed and a tad cross that it has delayed this cycle. i'm just trying to put it behind me and get back on the horse.  it feels like i was just being teased with the idea of being pregnant, to have it fizzle in my face.

Munchkin is 2

My beautiful little girl is 2 we have been surrounded by family and friends and she had a great party with a treasure hunt. I have been reflecting on how i had just found out i was pregnant with my first angel on her first birthday party day. and i'm not pregnant now. for me it was a day of mixed emotion. But munchkin loved every second of the festivities so all the effort of putting on her party whilst feeling a tad blue was worth it. I made her a Jemima puddle duck birthday cake.

progress update.... AF is late but because of the pregnyl injections i'm told i can't POAS till friday at the earliest or it will be positive just because of the pregnyl. Has anyone else used pregnyl for a short luteal phase. And can tell me how long after the injection AF arrived. it's driving me mad. AF has onlt been late 3 times and all 3 i was pregnant although only kept 1. The not knowing is driving me crazy as if i am pregnant they need to watch my progesterone to make sure its high enough to keep it. and i'm worried that not finding out till fri and then not getting bloods done till tues because of the Anzac day public holiday on mon. will mean that if i am pregnant and the pogesterone has started to drop that it will be too late to do anything about it. Like i said its driving me mad!!!!

I had a visit with the miscarriage/fertility doc yesterday and it seems i have been officially pushed into the realm of secondary infertility. turns out my luteal phase is short and i have low progesterone both of these have probaby contributed to my 2 miscarriages. So now i have Pregnyl injections to try and fix it up. fingers crossed it works.

I hope everyone had a nice easter. We had a quiet one. Church in the morning and an easter egg hunt in the backyard after Munchkin's nap. We caught up with some friends for a picnic on easter monday. I made some chickens and nests cup cakes to take along.

I am trying not to focus soely on TTC.  Even though it is at the back of my mind constantly. Munchkin is turning 2 soon and i'm trying to make her party and birthday preparations my focus. I'm due to ovulate over Easter which is annoying as i can't get bloods done  to tell exactly when i'm ovulating. things will have to be left to chance this cycle.

Aunt Flo arrived yesterday. punctual as ever. I am a little disapointed. But i am proud that i resisted the urge to pee on a stick early as seeing 2 lines and then having AF visit would be just as devastating as loosing my angels. At least its only 14 days till we get another shot at it. To all my followers thanks for your wonderfull support on this journey. you definatly help me get through a bad day.

2 week wait

I think i have convinced myself i have pregnancy symptoms. My nose is stuffy ( more due to my cold than my hormones) I think my areola are darker ( but mabey not) and i'm mildly neauseus. ( i think its all in my head though).
Aunt flo is due on sunday. and to make this a little more fun i have a game for us to play... Can everyone please toss a coin for me. Heads she arrives on Sunday and Tales she goes on a 9 month holiday. I'm going first..... Bugger Heads. what did you get? we will decide based on percentage if we get more tales than heads she goes on a holiday.
Thanks for playing.

Bad dreams

I've been having nightmares since my second miscarriage. and i really wish they would go away.
In one of these dreams i hurt myself. i don't understand why i keep having this dream as when i'm awake i don't want to do this. I always wake up before the end of the dream so i don't know how it ends. In one dream i'm pretty sure i would die. but as i wake up i'm not sure.
I really hate these dreams they wake me at night and make me feel really tired. I want to start functioning normally again. my whole focus of just getting through the day isn't working. the light at the end of the tunnell isn't bright enough to motivate me at the moment.  There has to be a way to make this rain cloud over my head go away. I want to see the sun and enjoy its warmth.

2 week wait

My doc thinks i've ovulated, So I guess the 2 week wait is here. All this sex by the book isn't the most fun way to make a baby. How do you girls on a long TTC journey keep the momentum up. this is My first cycle with a fert doc overseeing things. it isn't fun at all.

I'm really missing my Angels lots today.
and i'm praying for the energy to continue this journey.

one of those days

Today is one of those days. A good friend of mine from playgroup has just had her 2nd baby. I am really jelous and feeling a bit down. I really want to be happy for her though. She struggled with infertility for 7 years before her first daughter was born and she was lucky enough to fall naturally with this little bub just born. So i really want to share her joy but i just can't.
and to top it off the bills from this miscarriage management/ fertility doc are starting to roll in. I think i need to do some more shifts at work.