When i had my first miscarriage all of my family knew. i had shared the news that i was pregnant and i didn't expect the hurtful comments and lack of support that followed from my own family. So i didn't tell anyone when i fell pregnant again.When i miscarried again it was only those who read my blog that knew. i am truly grateful for the blogging world. With the loss of another of my babies becoming an angel. i decided to share it with a few close friends that i thought would understand. When i first told them. they all said how sorry they were and said if there was anything they could do to let them know. I was talking to one friend on facebook on Monday ( she lives 5 mins from my house) and once again she asked if there was anything she could do. I asked if it would be alright if i popped in for a cuppa and a chat instead of impersonally chatting on facebook. she hesitated but said yes so Munchkin and i went around. when i got there it was clear she was uncomfortable. she changed the topic of conversation quickly at any pauses so as not to discuss my miscarriage. and today i had arranged to meet up with another friend, (Munchkin and her little girl are best friends). but she has cancelled on me without an excuse. No one wants to be around me at the moment. i admit I'm not good company. I could just do with a bit of support right now.
A few months ago my hubby lost a good friend to cancer. the outpouring of support at the funeral and wake was overwhelming. He was the topic of conversation as everyone shared memories. nobody expected his family to be 'ok' tears flowed freely and were understood by everyone.
How different it is when a baby is miscarried. I am expected to be OK and functional ( I am not) even hubby i think is getting frustrated at the state of our house at the moment.
Miscarriage is truly an isolating experience.
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It is so sad and so true that suffering a miscarriage is often done in silence. I am so sorry you are feeling so isolated and alone. I hope it gets easier soon.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this loss, these losses, alone. That is a horrible feeling. I hope you can find some solace in the blogging community, but I know it's not the same as IRL. Are there any loss groups you could visit? Maybe finding someone who has been through losses would know how to talk about it and could relate. I don't know if you're ready to look into anything like that, but it might be something to keep in the back of your mind.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your losses. I'm keeping you in my hart and in my thoughts.
You are so right - we miscarry in silence and in isolation. Even though we need so much support. I wished I lived closer to get together and give you a hug. Never forget we are all here for you. I'm thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI know, it's so awful when people IRL don't understand and seem like they don't care. But remember we all do and I hope this blog is providing a bit of a lifeline for you. I looked up that info Bonnie Babes http://www.bbf.org.au/page/counselling.html
ReplyDeleteThey have free phone counselling, maybe that will help a bit until your other one starts.
And honestly-even if you are not good company a true friend should just be with you. After my ectopic I literally lay on the couch for 2 days until I had the methotrexate and my sister just stayed by my side and we watched movies, with me barely speaking. I'm so sorry about the way your friends behaved and I agree with Amy-if I knew I lived close by to you I'd be there in a flash. Remember you can email me if you need a lifeline and I can call you!!
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BTW you asked-my DD is 3!