On Saturday we needing to grab a few things my husband needing a specific DVD for a military ethics assignment plus we needed a few incidentals. I told hubby to take Munchkin and leave me at home. He thought it would be better for me to get out of the house. So along i went.....
NOT GOOD, within 3 minutes i had seen 3 mums to be with bellies swollen big with life. There were tiny babies in prams crying, mums breastfeeding whilst enjoying a cuppa in the cafe and large families out shopping with misbehaving kids( Everything I want) Its weird how even the negative aspects of parenthood can reduce you to tears.
I hate feeling this way, I hate not wanting to go out because i can't control when i am going to burst into tears. Hate denying Munchkin her playgroup and paint and play outings just cause i don't want people asking "How are you?" even thinking about how to answer that question has the power to make me cry. and the most scary question of all asked by acquaintances at these children's activities is "So, when are you planning number 2" This question either sends me into panic mode. or makes my blood boil. Which leaves the acquaintance feeling dumbfounded as i make up a quick excuse to exit conversation eg " Sorry i think munchkin has done a poo" just so i can go and hide and regain control of myself.
I can pinpoint one of the last times i was truly happy and that was Munchkin's first birthday party when i was 6 weeks pregnant with my first Angel baby. I wish i could go back and change things.
pregnancy#6
Mummy's Babies, I love you all xxoo
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