ups and downs

My BHCG is up which is great but my progesterone dropped from 70 to 50 which is still a good number but it sounds like a big drop in 4 days to me. i am on the progesterone pessaries so fingers crossed this is a 9 month pregnancy and not a 3 month one. my main worry is that everyone is on hols for christmas so i cant get any more bloods done till new year and i can't get another accupuncture till jan either.  i can only pray this one stays stuck.

Merry Christmas To All

HI to all my lovely readers. We will be taking off soon to spend time with family for Christmas and i wanted to make sure i didn't forget to wish everyone a merry Christmas. I hope everyone gets spoilt rotten this year.
take care all

BFP!!!!

This is officially pregnancy number 5 fingers and toes crossed everyone and lots of prayers please. i am scarred out of my wits.

Prayers for a friend please

This week we received some tragic news. good friends of ours from our previous posting lost their second little boy Thomas to SIDS this week, Thomas was 3 months old. Hubby was deployed to the middle east and east timor with Jacki. His wife My and i were always glad that our Husbands had each other while on overseas deployments.  They have honoured us by asking Hubby and i to do a reading at the funeral tomorrow in the city. Could everyone please send prayers of comfort to Jacki and My and their family in this tragic time in their lives.

another year older

Friday was my birthday I am half way to 58. ( my mum has always doubled my age and said your half  way to -- ) it sounds great when you are ten and your mum tells you your half way to 20 but when your twenty it does make you feel a tad old. its been a running family joke for as long as i can remember. my standard response is " yes but that's a whole lifespan away" the day was nice and munchkin made me a card. Hubby and i went to see 'Jersey Boys' in the city which i really enjoyed.  I just can't help but reflect on how i should be trying for # 3 now instead of still trying for #2.

waiting

the 2 week wait  is here again.
fert doc rang yesterday saying my oestrogen was one hundred and something and progesterone 4.8 she said the oestrogen was "pissy" i thought oestrogen dropped after you ovulated does anyone know what a good level is after you ovulate? i have to send her more bloods next tues.

Munchkin is growing up

Munchkin received her first ever report card and encouragement award ( with a little medal) on Saturday.
It was for her music classes. they had their end of year Christmas concert at the local shopping centre I had to go on stage too as Munchkin got  shy at being on stage with everyone watching. but she did her 2 songs with the rest of her class well.  Seeing her presented with the award and report card gave me one of those my baby is growing up too fast moments. but i am extremely proud of her.

Hooray!

Hubby is home!!!!!!!
i think i received the stinkiest hug of my life ( they had no shower facilities out bush) but man it felt good.
Munchkin's response was "No cuddles Daddy, too stinky, hava shower frst K ?" which i thought was way too cute. I think i will be putting munchkin to bed early tonight. and as i am yet to ovulate Mango wine is in order i believe.

defence life

I am so hanging out for Hubby to come home tomorrow it has been a long week and a half with him away. And munchkins behaviour with her Daddy away has been less than desirable. She was refusing to eat dinner again last night until daddy rang and she could talk to him on speaker whilst eating her dinner. and she has had so many tantrums this week. And I'm also getting nervous about this cycle i hope we can do enough before ovulation to have a god shot at this one. my fingers and toes are crossed that the acupuncture helps as the steroids make me feel awful. and the sooner I'm pregnant the sooner i can stop taking them.

Icomleavwe

Welcome to all who are here from Icomleavwe I am looking forward to reading your blogs and finding more friends on this emotional journey to building the family of my dreams. This is my first month joining the conversation. Fingers crossed Santa gives us all sticky beans for Christmas.
Take care all  :)

A proud Mummy Moment

I don't normally post photos but we got these back today and i was having a proud mummy moment Munchkin is growing so fast. her last professional photos were taken at 6 weeks. She has come a long way and i'm very proud of her.

Accupuncture

 I had my acupuncture appointment today and it was actually quite enjoyable. once i got past the stress of having to go through my miscarriage history with yet another new health professional, i always find this extremely hard and quite emotional although i held off the tears till i was face down on the acupuncture/massage table i don't think he even realised. it was Japanese acupuncture which not having had any Chinese acupuncture i can't really compare. But i can tell you i hardly felt a needle go in and couldn't feel them while they were in. except when he warmed some of the up but that felt great like i had been sitting in a hot bath for 30 mins. Being a nurse and educated in western medicine it was odd talking about the body in terms of energy and flow of energy. he doesn't think it is a flow of energy problem rather than a lack of energy problem. in terms of energy i have "weak kidneys" and kidneys are meant to be involved in 'retention' including apparently of babies. Here is hoping  that a weekly relaxing acupuncture session can fix it. its a lot more fun that all the painful needles that the fert doc has me on.
 The only other thing that puzzles me is that i was talking to a friend at playgroup who had IVF for her first child and did acupuncture too had said that she only had about 5 pins in her. I had about 20 pins all over my back. I just really want it to work. Fingers and toes crossed for this next month everyone.

Accupuncture

On Fri i have my first ever acupuncture appointment. I have never understood Chinese medicine and thought a lot of it came down to a placebo type effect. but I no longer believe that my fert doc holds any answers for me so I'm looking elsewhere. and i found studies that said that acupuncture could increase the success of IVF by 50%, so maybe it will help me too. another study did ultrasounds pre and post acupuncture and post acupuncture there was a lot more blood flow to the ovaries and uterus. and that sounds like a good thing.  Has anyone used acupuncture for recurrent miscarriage if so I'd love to hear your story.
I'm a little daunted ( not a huge fan of needles) but hopefully good things will come from it.

Defence life

Hubby is away this week on a military leadership challenge exercise. and whilst he has been away for far longer whilst Munchkin was a baby this one is the toughest for her by far. We were up early to drop him off Munchkin was fine with this, and remained fine all the way up until dinner time when i was confronted with a complete refusal to eat dinner, which flawed me as she is having a growth spurt at the moment and eating everything in site. I thought she was sick until she blurted out "  No eating Mummy,wait for Daddy." She only ate dinner when i told her that as a special treat she could sit in Daddy's chair at the table. It seems while she has adjusted to me being at work 3 nights a week her stability at night comes from Daddy.  and i have been up to her room countless times tonight. she went to bed at 7 and has only just fallen asleep at 9. using every excuse under the sun, wanting water, to do a wee wee or a poo. Wanting me to tuck in all her stuffed toys ( in the correct order) needing another kiss or another lullaby.  realising she missed out on a sticker ( toilet training reward) and the list goes on. the real issue is that Daddy normally makes shadow puppets for her with his hands at bedtime( a duck, a dog and a butterfly are the favourites) and she is having trouble settling with a missing link in her bedtime routine.  Hopefully she will be more settled tomorrow.
 Defence life is hard on little ones.

Aunt flo arrived a day earilier than scheduled.

and about time too!

todays bloods showed i should have ovulated on Sunday, day 22 of my cycle. i say should because levels were still low. but better late than never so now i have to start the clexane to help with implantation should it occur, and the pregnyl on wed and sat for the LPD. So all keep your fingers crossed it seems the dreaded two week wait is here again.

Written just for David

Dear David,

Although I loved you dearly,
I couldn't make you stay.
A tiny heart stopped beating,
little hands at rest, not play.
God broke my heart to prove to me,
he only takes the best.
My little son, an Angel one.
My heart is breaking, yet i am blessed.

I will see and hold you one day my Angel
Mummy xxoo

yet another update

Ok so bloods today showed i haven't ovulated but my oestrogen is at least rising so MAYBE it'll happen on Sunday so my fert doc thinks. that is like day 22 of my cycle. which is nuts i usually ovulate on day 17. I'm a tad paranoid it'll just happen and there won't be any sperm there to meet it. but Hubby is getting tired and so am i. When i learnt about reproductive health at Uni ( nursing degree) i was taught that every 4 to 5 days is good for baby making to make sure the sperm have proper tails. but my fert doc says every 2 to 3 days increases sperm quality, it is a tad confusing.

update

hey all,
         last lot of bloods on Monday showed i haven't ovulated yet, so next lot is tomorrow to decide if i will ovulate this month or if its a fizzer. this is so annoying as one of the meds i am on to try and make a sticky bean i can only take for 4 months or it puts my future heath in strife. and Hubby is away for 2 weeks in November i don't know if it will be when i ovulate as this cycle is all scrambled. but I'm defiantly feeling like time isn't on my hands at the moment.
hope everyone is well
take care

Hi all,
        Hubby and i are back on the TTC merry go round.  my blood levels this month are all really low and it looks like i might not ovulate. This has never happened before. I really don't want a 'making' as well as a 'baking' problem. next lot of bloods are on Monday fingers crossed I've some how ovulated over the weekend.
I've used up my free access program visits to my counsellor. I can get another 6 weeks if needed. but my counsellor and i are going to try and save these for when I'm pregnant again. you can have 12 weeks in a calendar year bulked billed with a referral from your GP. it has saved me a packet of money. not to mention my mental sanity.
I have been working on my little memory garden for my angels. I was going to use their birth flowers. however I'm not that talented a Gardner so I'm using hardy flowering plants instead. I want somewhere nice to look that is full of colour when i think of my angels.  Today i planted some miniature yellow daisies. Daisies have always been one of my favourite flowers. You can't not feel happy when holding a bunch of daisies. I used to spend hours making super long daisy chains and necklaces when i was little.
I don't have much more to say but I'm a tad bored tonight Hubby is away with work ( will be home tomorrow) some days i wish he wasn't in the Air Force. but he loves it so much. and he is away for 2 weeks next month. with basic training and leadership training now that he is an officer. with me nursing and Hubby in the armed forces we both have stressful careers. i really wish this infertility journey can end soon so that our home can return to a state of tranquility.
Hope everyone is well
prayers to all
take care