In my dreams my family is complete, I have my loving husband by my side and five beautiful children under my feet. I can touch, hug and laugh with them, I can comfort and rock them all to sleep. In my dreams I can watch all of them grow.
But then the sun comes up and my eyes open and my family is different my loving Husband is still there by my side, but both of us wear the scars of loss, Munchkin is under our feet and Cookie is wriggling in my tummy. letting myself truly love and enjoy this pregnancy leaves me feeling guilty. It is not possible to have the family i have in my dreams.If any of my angels were here then Cookie wouldn't be. and while i love and long for my angel babies, i love Cookie too. and sometimes this seems to cause feeling i don't know how to put words to, Some days it still causes me much pain that my family will never be complete anywhere but in my dreams.
It seems that loss and infertility leave a lot of us feeling incomplete.
pregnancy#6
Mummy's Babies, I love you all xxoo
Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
I can totally relate to this, the guilt that comes from being pregnant after a loss is really hard. Hope the anxiety is not driving you crazy, not long to go now I see from your ticker. Hugs
ReplyDeleteIt's more than just in our dreams, though ... those lost children have made us who we are. And while we will never get to see them grow, they are very much a part of the real that is here and now. *hugs* to you ...
ReplyDeleteKnow exactly how you feel about loss and IF leaving us feeling incomplete... Thinking of you always xoxo
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